Chicellarose's Blog

Musings on life, family, and the leading interest of the day..

Archive for ‘February, 2010’

Who knew that I could come to knitting with such a love? It is a form of meditation that doesn’t require sitting still. I can feel my breath slow and my hands still even as they work with the yarn and the needles. Of course it’s hard to then type and update my blog! My daughter and I have been teaching ourselves off of videos found on the computer. We also visited a very helpful yarn shop that surpassed the one we had hunted down in NYC. Such a wealth of colors and textures and hopes all held within the bins lining the walls. I’ve finished a dish cloth and am now working on a scarf. I don’t even know that it will be for me, but am enjoying the yumminess of it.

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Ah if only… I had known Apartment Therapy was looking for some freelancers to work on their Re-Nest site!! I would have gotten together a portfolio to submit of a ‘green’ house. I live in an area that is very near to many people interested in sustainable building and living. Maybe next time. I do love to take photographs of interiors and details!

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So I’ve been gone the past few days. No reason in particular – just got caught up in life and then had time to think about things. I was reminded on Saturday of the importance of sportsmanship and letting the little people have a chance. I am tall and my granddaughter has been so blessed as well. She has also been blessed with some natural ability to play sports. Needless to say she is much sought after for the basketball teams. But also needless to say, she towers over everyone in her age group. This past game was the first for this season where they really could have slaughtered the opposing team. But her coach decided rather than just going for the victory, he would take the chance to not only try some different plays, but also to give some of the shorter, less experienced girls a chance to dribble and to shoot. I give him kudos for this. And even more kudos when I heard that he advised our team to let the littlest girls on the other team take the shot if they had the ball. We still won that day, but I hope that maybe they had the chance to think of others in a different light that day.

Sunday we attended a funeral of someone very close to our age. We’ve been to many funerals sadly due to the line of work my husband is in. But this is a man that retired ten years ago and thought he had many good years ahead of him. Sadly he didn’t as he suffered some years of failing health. All I could think about was Monday and his wife really facing the coming days without him. I also think that I would like my husband to keep working as long as he can. I read The Blue Zones and it compared what kept people living to ripe old ages in different communities. Having a purpose was very high on the list. What do I want to do next?

Finally we have been in the midst of very cold weather which has made me want to hibernate. I finally tired of that and bundled up and took a long walk through a nearby park and let my dog romp in the dog park as well. What a breath of tranquility and peace to stretch and breathe and feel the sun on what little bit of skin was exposed. And to add the final touch of grace, we spotted a hawk as it touched down in the treetops and stayed there all while I was circling, circling, circling ..wanting to get a decent photo to bring home this reminder of the greatness of the outdoors.

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I’ve been thinking about my mom a lot here lately. I think it’s because my oldest daughter is about to turn the age that I was when she died. 34. Not so young, but not nearly old enough to lose your mom I don’t think. Especially a mom that was such a beautiful person inside and out and a friend to me. A fun friend. After she left us, our family floundered a bit until we tried to rally for my dad’s sake and we would still try to have family gatherings. The heart seemed to have left us though.

After my dad died over ten years ago, the death knell was sounded over what family we had tried to be. Now it’s pretty much just my nuclear family of my husband, myself, our three children, and one grandchild. And a girlfriend of my son’s. I miss the busyness of many people even though they sometimes could drive me mad! I miss the connection to my Italian roots. I miss having that safe harbor of unconditional love and because it’s home .. they have to take you in. Now I’m that port to my family, but I no longer feel I have my port. And it’s a lonesome feeling. Somedays I want to be the child.

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I see this little shell of a house/barn every time I make the trek out to see my horse. Of course maybe it’s not really that little. But I can envision what I might do with it if I could get my hands on it and how charming it would be. Maybe with some sunflowers growing in front … some new shutters. And of course a garden area and room for my horse. But I don’t want to live where it is located so for right now, it just gives me a window of time for imagining.

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Today the sun is shining and I am so happy about that! I thrive on the sun no matter the temperature. I think it will be a good day to go check on my horse. Horse of mine that I had to wait to be a grandmother to own. Horse of mine that has challenged me to figure out how to be a good horse mama as he came to me with eye issues. Horse of mine who is much too far from me and I continue on my quest to change this. Here’s to a good horse visit!

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I’ve been advising other people to journal and give thanks for the good things in their lives, but I’ve been remiss in doing the same. So even though today, once again, it’s raining …

I’m thankful to have a roof (and a new one at that!) over my head. I’m thankful that even though my heater doesn’t heat much over 60 degrees, at least I have that warmth. I’m thankful to have a dog who greets me and loves me and lays by my feet wherever I may park. I’m thankful to have a granddaughter to pick up each day after school so that I may share in her life. I’m thankful to have two daughters that live nearby who actually seem to like to spend time with me. I’m thankful that I have the space that I may begin to plan a spring garden. I’m thankful that I still have the ability to learn new things and to keep an open heart. And on that note, I shall close for the day.

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